smoking gun addiction

my mother died of lung cancer when i was ten years old. she knew it was lung cancer, she told my older brother, eventhough she was told by my father and the doctors that she had some kind of 'fungus' . i remember the bureau drawer in the front hall that had cartons of cigarettes - parliment cigarettes, and chesterfields and lucky strikes (in dark green packages - before white was 'cleaner', more healthy) oh, we'd occasionally smoke some 'coffin nails' in our hideout... ha, ha , ha.... i remember six months before she died we would help mum with the small oxygen tank that had been adapted to a little rig with wheels, so she could move about, a school it was cool to smoke out on the steps of the 'commons' but since i was still into varsity athletics smoking was not really something i did until i was in the army. "at ease! soldier... smoke if you got 'em". oh yes, cartons of pall malls from the PX. $2.50 a carton. those red packs and long cifarettes. after 9, 11.... even 17 puffs... pall malls satisfy. or something. perhaps they were 'better'.... i don't recall. but that was 40 years ago.
lurking daily
some pain?
known history

"if bush gets elected i'm gonna get a M16". and a friend wrote that i'd better get one now, cause if gore got elected i wouldn't be able to buy an assault weapon anymore. the old acquaintance also explained that i should probably get an AR15 instead, because the fully-automatic M16 would require a 6 month FBI background check etc... and a classIII license from FFL dealer etc... and cost at least 5000$US.

i had been using the geometry of a M16... a 3D model of the weapon... in many of my 3D animations and prints that i had been working on. it seemed to represent the inherent violence that our lives... our daily lives... have been / are built on... balanced on. the AK-47 was at one time the icon of the revolutionary and the 60's were the years when the revolutionary was in ascendence. yes. but as the years have past it became clearer that colt... the gun that won the west... was still the weapon that was going to secure the earlier century's winnings...

but getting an assault weapon was maybe a way into how these people thought... felt. perhaps i'd been away from that sense of what america is really all about. that abruptness, and that willingness, for instance, to call in the police, or whatever force is necessary to achieve one's ends.... simply. just hold a M16. be tough, a little taste of power. but, damn, i grew up with that power and money that this society was all about. defining it's taste. it's shape. and guns just outside of chicago... the mid-west.


the criminal next door

 nothin good ever came from a gun

the range